divorce. it's part of our life.

This week Monkey is at “The Happiest Place on Earth”, Disney World. She is there while I... am not. She went down to Florida with her Dad, Nana, Papa, aunt, uncle and cousins. I’m both excited for her and beyond sad at the same time. Oh how much I wish I was with her to see her face and hear her squeals when she sees Mickey and Minnie for the first time. They are currently her most favorite things in the world. She also adores beyond measure princesses. She is pretty much going to be in complete love with all things Disney World, especially Magic Kingdom.

I’m glad she is getting to experience and enjoy all these things, but at the same time I wish I could be part of it as well. While she is having probably one of the best weeks of her little 2.5 year old life I, her mommy, won’t be there to experience it with her. This makes me sad. Really sad actually.  Thankfully her dad and I have a fantastic relationship so I can talk to her daily, I’ll be able to see all the pictures taken, and probably a few video clips from the Iphone. But, will I be there to experience the pure joy alongside her? No. Will she be able to point out a princess to me? No. Will she share an ice-cream cone with me as we sit on a park bench people watching? No. And because of this I struggle with being absolutely happy that she gets to see the wonders of Disney World for the first time without me.

I’m sure the feelings I’m experiencing are normal for divorced parents. I knew when her dad and I divorced that she would have two different families and do things with him that she didn't get to do with me, and vice versa. I knew she would be experience things for the first time without me, but that still doesn't make it any easier. Maybe as the years go by things with get easier and hurt less. Whose house will she be at the first day of kindergarten? How about when she learns to ride a bike or goes to the hospital for stitches or her first broken arm? Whose house will she read her first book at? Or go out on her first date? Knowing that she will have firsts at her dad’s house that she doesn’t at mine hurts, but at the same time I know that she will have plenty of firsts with me too. I mean she did take her first steps at my house and a few nights ago she said her first little bedtime pray all by herself (which by the way was beyond adorable “Dear Heavenly Fadder, I love you. Help me sleep good. Jesus is my friend. Amen”). This is something all divorced parents and kids of divorced parents have to go through right? Monkey has a split life. Her parents are her family, they just happen to live different lives in different homes.  

When Monkey's dad and I decided to get divorced we talked a lot about Monkey and what this would mean for her life. Even tho she was only 6months old we knew it wouldn't be easy for her but we decided we would do everything we could to make her life as 'normal' as possible. She hadn't asked to be born into a family that wouldn't last and she deserved to have a 'normal' a life, and as hard as it's been at times I think we have succeeded so far. Monkey is with her dad 50% of the time and with Brandon and me 50% of the time. She has two homes with 3 parents that adore her and she knows it. Both homes are hers and she loves it and I love it for her. I have seen time and time again kids who don't get to see their dad (or mom) more than once or twice a month. I've seen kids heartbroken because the parent who was going to come visit, never showed up. I have friends who have practically no relationship with his or her dad because when the parents got divorced they saw dad only a few times a year, or even worse the ones who once the parents split the dad never came around again.  As much as I know divorce sucks for kids, it doesn't always have to. If the parents can get past their own negative feelings towards each other (at least in front of their kids) and realize that they still have a child to raise together then I think things could end up more "normal" than not.